Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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