maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
