You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
