Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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