i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
