Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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