You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
How does one acquire holy water?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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