why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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