but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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