I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
