Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just gift wrapped bread.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
