he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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