textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
