i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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