Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
