i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
