What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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