i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
