I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
