Cold hands, warm shart.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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