I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
