What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just threw up on my dentist
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
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