I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize
