youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
