she was so not down for the gang bang
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
