maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
