No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I would fuck him just for his dog
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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