She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
