you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
