my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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