That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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