So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
