so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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