My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
