i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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