Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
