you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
