Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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