Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
