i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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