oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Randomize