you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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