I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
