; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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