I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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