just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
