Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
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Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
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I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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