I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize