Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
