My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We talked him into tasing himself.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
