im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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