also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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