I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
