i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
