Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
