I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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