Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
