Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
