The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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