Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
