You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
