So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
