just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
