He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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