this just has baby written all over it
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
