McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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