i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
