I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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