This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
