i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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