new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
