Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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