Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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