Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
